It was exactly 2 weeks and 1 day before your due date. I had just started working some days from home and thank goodness I chose to do so on this particular morning. Ok, fine I had an eyebrow wax and manicure appointment in the afternoon, but that's neither here nor there. It was a beautiful Spring morning and I had just got done eating my breakfast after waking up from a long night of tossing and turning. As I'm sure you know, your mama isn't a very large woman and your little body was becoming too much to handle. Already for the umpteenth time that morning, I had to pee. Don't worry, you didn't fall out in the toilet, I'm leading up to the story here. At 8:30 a.m. I came out of the bathroom and I started playing with your little dog Luigi when all of a sudden felt like I had peed my pants. How was that possible when I just went to the bathroom? Could it be? Would we finally get to see your sweet little face in person instead of on a screen?
Finally deciding I needed to be that psycho mom who would go to the hospital proclaiming I was in labor and be sent home, your dad came and picked me up and off we went. I hadn't even brought my hospital bag I had packed for weeks since I was sure I was overreacting. After being awkwardly examined by a woman who was going to buy one of our houses, gave us a deposit, then wanted it back never to be heard from again, she let us know you were indeed on your way. I'll never forget the look on your daddy's face. Definitely sheer terror, but also an excitement in his eyes I'd never seen before.
Well just like you are now, you couldn't make up your mind what you wanted to do. I wasn't having any major contractions whatsoever. So out came the pitocin. And you still took forever. Exactly like your dad when we have plans to go somewhere. Clearly you were on Italian time already. Nonna and Nonno came to visit, but still no baby. I was so glad Nana and Pop stayed the whole time even though your poor Nana had worked the whole day. I secretly loved that she was there in her nurse's uniform so I could get extra good care. Anyway, I'll have you know I had no lunch that day and by this time it was super late and if I had one more Jello I swore I was going to scream from that, not the labor pains. But I was still hanging tight waiting around to finally meet you. Things got a little frightening when your heart started slowing down. The doctors had to put a monitor on your head since we couldn't get a good reading from my belly anymore. It kept getting slower and slower until one very scary occurrence that forced the decision of a c-section. Meaning you just came out of my belly a different way, nothing more to that story.
We had a few more scary moments until finally on April 26th at 3:26 a.m., you were placed in my arms for the first time. I couldn't believe it was really you. I looked at you and just could not comprehend that this tiny little person was meant to be for me. Your father on the other hand was amazing. It was as if he practiced for this very moment. I was a little out of it afterwards and couldn't really move around too much. So cleaning your diaper (with that lovely tar like substance) was very difficult for me. But your dad did it like a pro. He was so in love with you from the moment you arrived and would do anything it took to ensure you and me were safe and happy.
Once we went home, many friends and family asked me what it felt like to be a mother. And for some reason, I felt the need to be brutally honest.
Things will get easier they said. You'll start to fall in love with him they said. All I could think was how they also said we'd be immediately in love with each other the first time we saw one another, and I'm very sorry to say my dear Lorenzo, that didn't really happen. Don't get me wrong, I knew I loved you, but that instant connection they speak about seemed like it wasn't happening for us.
Instead, something more magical did start to happen. As each day passed we got to know each other a little more, a little more, a little more until suddenly my heart would ache if I was away from you for more than an hour. I began to go to bed anxiously awaiting the morning when I would get to see you smile as I would peek over into your crib. How I would be so excited to take you places and get to tell people I was your mama. How I would just stare into those eyes, those eyes that looked exactly like mine. How I fired the first nanny we hired because I didn't like how you smelled like her perfume at the end of the day ( kind of funny now, but not at the time). Now I completely understand why a woman decides to become a mother. Having you has taught me to be more patient, more kind, more understanding, and more loving than I ever thought possible. You make my days brighter with that beautiful smile you're constantly flashing around. I've become a better person thanks to the love you've given me my little Lorenzo. Even though we may not have hit it off right from the start, I always knew you were meant to be mine.
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